two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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