It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize