WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
