girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
