I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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