Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
