U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
