Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
