I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
