The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
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