i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
