I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
