Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
