First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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