I wish my penis had an off switch
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
someone owes me an orgasm
He passed out mid-signature
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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