I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
