I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
