this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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