weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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