a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
