So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
