Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
