you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
