3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I did not marry a roomba.
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