Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
