and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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