Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
We need a shit load of segways right now
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
