Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
