That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
