3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
