How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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