I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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