Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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