I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
