She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
My life is pants optional.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize