today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
