I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
