WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
