it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
