wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
