i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
