how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
