there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
