The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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