Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
the raccoons are back...
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