I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
