Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
