it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
