Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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