The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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