But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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