not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
