Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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