my mouth tastes like poor choices
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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