my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
