Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
