apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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