I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
