I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
