the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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