i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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