she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize