my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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