So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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