I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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