She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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