Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
