Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
