and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
