my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Two words: blizzard sex
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
